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zandapheri:

back in my day, kids didn’t just sit at home smoking meth and masturbating to video games about witchcraft and gay communism on their microsoft super duper nintendos all day

they went out and got good respectable jobs like coal miner, slaughterhouse worker, Jew catcher, and meth maker

we’d make enough money for three sticks of gum a day and that was good enough for us!

but you kids these days don’t appreciate what you’ve got and are always demanding more

you have to have an “iPhone” instead of just using vinegar and a bale of hay like we used to

you walk around with your fancy Russian-made automatic weapons instead of good old-fashioned American muskets

you read trendy trash like “User’s Guide to OS/2 Warp v.3” and “The Complete Works of Shakespeare” instead of studying and cherishing the Good Book, the Mystery Nightmare Gospel of Zorvax the Annihilator

you’re always guzzling that “fruit punch drink” and sticking the little umbrellas behind your ears and going out to the “orgy domes” — why, when I was your age, we only got to go to the orgy dome once a month, and only for four hours at a time

you sit at a desk every day, forced to remain completely still and silent and expressionless and staring straight forward for eight hours straight, as an oily snakelike schoolmarm drones on about stalactites this and stalagmites that and fills your head with preposterous lies like the so-called “Vietnam War” and “ancient Greece” and “French Revolution” and “negative numbers” and “Galileo”, and if you dare to speak up and let the class know that their precious “Barack Obama” and “Justin Beeper” and “Doug Funnie” aren’t even real, she whips you and then makes you say your name backwards fifty times as a symbol of your shame as she plays a sad tune on the shame tuba

meanwhile you’ve forgotten the traditions of your forefathers, like the Festival of the Seven Suns, which we’d put on every year when the seven suns were exactly aligned

we’d go outside with all our coconuts and lie them out across the road in a straight line and place bets on how long it would be before a horse would come by and disturb them

the winner would get to harpoon and devour the horse, and we’d capture its rider and make him eat all the coconuts before the suns shifted and his second shadow became visible

if he ate all the coconuts, he would be hailed as king of kings for the rest of the day, and we’d rebuild his horse; but if he failed, we’d burn him alive and sing and dance in a ring around him as a symbolic celebration of our coming destruction at the hands of the mighty Zorvax

but apparently you only have one sun now… apparently that’s what the schools and the television are telling you… a convenient excuse, if you ask me

an excuse for your decadence, excess, and blasphemy; your public sodomy and your newfangled jazz music and your pointed hats

you boys are being indoctrinated into doing women’s jobs like computer hacker and investment banker and Minister of War, and you’re just standing by and letting them take over your traditional manly duties like impregnating women, baking, training wolves, opera, and fortune telling

what is this world coming to, when girls go to the mall and pick out boys from glass cases, instead of the other way around, the way it used to be!

and that’s another thing, you kids have forgotten the spirit of the space race

if the Hunnic Empire puts a man on the moon before us, I’m pointing the finger at you! the Hun has gotten the A-bomb too and we can’t let him embarrass us by blowing up the moon before we do!

you kids are letting Hollywood and the medicine companies turn you into vicious robots right and left while giving the real robots all the money and women, and what are you doing about it? writing letters to the editor and demanding more robots, from what I’ve seen! have you not heard the saying, that whosoever faileth to learn from history, doth himself condemn to repeat it??

you’ve gone soft on crime — whenever we caught a nogoodnik stealing a piano or reading his neighbor’s mail because his neighbor was subscribed to the Reader’s Digest or somesuch, we’d bring him out to the town square and cut off his head and pass it around and let all the children touch it, so they could see what they’d look like if they ever stole a piano

and then we’d sew his head back on and let him go with a warning, unless it was his second offense or he was a ghost or an Irish, in which case we’d put him in a crate and paint a big blue “U” on it (for “scoUndrel”) and cast it out to sea

and we’d sit around and tell stories about spacemen finding the crate a thousand years later and thawing him out — imagine what they’d say! “why, good golly, this fellow must have been a sorry old rascal in his day!”, they’d say — we’d always make the spacemen say that, it was just something we always did, and that our fathers did, and their fathers before them; but I’ve never once heard it from the mouths of you damn kids!

if your grandmother were alive to see this, why, she’d cut you off at the knees and hang you upside-down over a pit of serpents!

(your grandmother did always love her serpents)

but my point is, you kids have lost all your respect for your history! boys intermarrying with girls, it makes me sick — they should be kept separate, the way nature intended! you treat “the white race” like it’s some kind of awful cuss word, and then you go about freely spouting filth like “bandiwicker”, “crud mucker”, “gee-whiz”, “rectum”, “schtupping”, and “blog” like all those hop-pop rockabilly stars you love so much

well I have news for you! your precious “Animal Collection” and “The Beagles” and “Lady Guava” won’t save you from the righteous wrath of Zorvax! surrender to her now or accept what you have brought upon yourselves when cometh the day, ye ungrateful vermin!

and another thing, why does the newspaper cost so much more now? it’s an outrage! when I was your age, the daily newspaper only cost us one shiny nickel and it came with a dozen pages of funnies and a fine plump hog. now you practically have to own a newspaper to be able to afford to read one! where do you get your funnies now, eh? oh, that’s right, you don’t have those anymore! probably don’t even know what they are!

you damn kids!

This is one of the greatest things I have ever read.

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Hang W/ broadcast a message earlier that they’ve got  Soulja Boy doing a Hang W/ thingy at 4:20 today.  I wonder how the VC firm that’s fronting the cash for this feels about paying for the message that that act at that time on this date sends to their customers.
Picture is unrelated.  That doggy looks happy.  Unrelated.  Yes.

Hang W/ broadcast a message earlier that they’ve got  Soulja Boy doing a Hang W/ thingy at 4:20 today.  I wonder how the VC firm that’s fronting the cash for this feels about paying for the message that that act at that time on this date sends to their customers.

Picture is unrelated.  That doggy looks happy.  Unrelated.  Yes.

(Source: )

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paulhillier:

A preview of some of the Fan Expo photos that I was looking at. I think I’ll be making a post sometime next week. Until then enjoy the best portal duel cosplay that I’ve seen. Featuring http://poisonne.com/ and Shane
Facebook | Twitter | Tumblr | paulhillier.com | Flickr

I mean, sure, it’s a good Chell, but we’ve seen plenty of good Chells before.  Let’s talk for a minute about the Wheatley.

paulhillier:

A preview of some of the Fan Expo photos that I was looking at. I think I’ll be making a post sometime next week. Until then enjoy the best portal duel cosplay that I’ve seen. Featuring http://poisonne.com/ and Shane

Facebook | Twitter | Tumblr | paulhillier.com | Flickr

I mean, sure, it’s a good Chell, but we’ve seen plenty of good Chells before.  Let’s talk for a minute about the Wheatley.

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There.  I could not find any Spungos Sportball merchandise so I designed some. Are you happy now? ARE YOU?

There.  I could not find any Spungos Sportball merchandise so I designed some. Are you happy now? ARE YOU?

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Happy Easter everyone.

Happy Easter everyone.

(Source: memewhore)

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TagInfo scan: NXP Semiconductors MIFARE DESFire EV1 tag

** TagInfo scan (version 2.00) 2014-04-18 12:33:14 **

— INFO ———————————————

# IC manufacturer:
NXP Semiconductors

# IC type:
MIFARE DESFire EV1

# DESFire Applications:
Access control data for electronic locks #0
* Timelox AB

and 1 unknown application

— NDEF ———————————————

# No NFC data set storage:

— EXTRA ———————————————

# Memory information:
Size: 0 kB
Available: 320 bytes

# IC detailed information:
Capacitance: 70 pF

# Version information:
Vendor ID: NXP
Hardware info:
* Type/subtype: 0x01/0x02
* Version: 1.0
* Storage size: 512 bytes
* Protocol: ISO/IEC 14443-2 and -3
Software info:
* Type/subtype: 0x01/0x01
* Version: 1.4
* Storage size: 512 bytes
* Protocol: ISO/IEC 14443-3 and -4
Batch no: 0xBA44998620
Production date: week 29, 2013

— TECH ———————————————

# Technologies supported:
ISO/IEC 7816-4 compatible
Native DESFire APDU framing
ISO/IEC 14443-4 (Type A) compatible
ISO/IEC 14443-3 (Type A) compatible
ISO/IEC 14443-2 (Type A) compatible

# Android technology information:
Tag description:
* TAG: Tech [android.nfc.tech.IsoDep, android.nfc.tech.NfcA]
android.nfc.tech.IsoDep
* Maximum transceive length: 261 bytes
* Default maximum transceive time-out: 309 ms
* Extended length APDUs not supported
android.nfc.tech.NfcA
* Maximum transceive length: 253 bytes
* Default maximum transceive time-out: 618 ms
No MIFARE Classic support present in Android

# Detailed protocol information:
ID: 04:8D:3D:92:8B:34:80
ATQA: 0x4403
SAK: 0x20
ATS: 0x06757781028000
* Max. accepted frame size: 64 bytes (FSCI: 5)
* Supported receive rates:
- 106, 212, 424, 848 kbit/s (DR: 1, 2, 4, 8)
* Supported send rates:
- 106, 212, 424, 848 kbit/s (DS: 1, 2, 4, 8)
* Different send and receive rates supported
* SFGT: 604.1 us (SFGI: 1)
* FWT: 77.33 ms (FWI: 8)
* NAD not supported
* CID supported
* Historical bytes: 0x80 |.|

# Memory content:
PICC level (Application ID 0x000000)
* PICC key configuration:
- AES key
- PICC key changeable
- PICC key required for:
~ directory list access: no
~ create/delete applications: no
- Configuration changeable
- PICC key version: 254

Application ID 0xF70090
* Key configuration:
- 3 AES keys
- Master key changeable
- Master key required for:
~ directory list access: no
~ create/delete files: yes
- Configuration changeable
- Master key required for changing a key
- Key versions:
~ Master key: 0
~ Key #1: 0
~ Key #2: 0
* 1 file present

- File ID 0x00: Standard data, 128 bytes
~ Communication: encrypted
~ Read key: master key
~ Write key: master key
~ Read/Write key: master key
~ Change key: master key
~ (No access)

Application ID 0x78E127
* Key configuration:
- 2 AES keys
- Master key changeable
- Master key required for:
~ directory list access: no
~ create/delete files: yes
- Configuration changeable
- Master key required for changing a key
- Key versions:
~ Master key: 1
~ Key #1: 1
* 2 files present

- File ID 0x01: Standard data, 16 bytes
~ Communication: plain
~ Read key: free access
~ Write key: free access
~ Read/Write key: blocked
~ Change key: free access
~ Contents:

[0000] 81 0B 37 03 00 00 00 00 05 BD 03 05 00 89 01 88 |..7………….|

- File ID 0x02: Standard data, 56 bytes
~ Communication: plain
~ Read key: key #1
~ Write key: free access
~ Read/Write key: blocked
~ Change key: free access
~ (No access)

———————————————————

So my auntie has been to Disney and got one of those RFID bracelets and so yeah I scanned it because I figured you might be interested. Here you go.

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They’ve not got smaller, you’ve just got bigger. #CremeEgg

They’ve not got smaller, you’ve just got bigger. #CremeEgg

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#PaceEgg #HebdenBridge #Easter #Fight

#PaceEgg #HebdenBridge #Easter #Fight

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Ahhh, Science.
EDIT: Ugh, clickthrough for the gif to actually, y’know, move.

Ahhh, Science.

EDIT: Ugh, clickthrough for the gif to actually, y’know, move.

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Hilltop, now

Hilltop, now

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My old Biology teacher back when I was at school had a theory that the symbolism of a devil head with curly horns was actually a metaphor for the female reproductive system, no doubt as part of some ridiculous yet effective male religious plot to subjugate women.
Which sounds pretty crazy, but I guess for a second opinion we could ask Satana’s GIANT ANGRY BLACK UTERUS FAMILIAR what it thinks.
(also, two decades later I still remember this throwaway comment by a teacher who’s name I can’t even remember, which is a sign of some good teaching in my book)

My old Biology teacher back when I was at school had a theory that the symbolism of a devil head with curly horns was actually a metaphor for the female reproductive system, no doubt as part of some ridiculous yet effective male religious plot to subjugate women.

Which sounds pretty crazy, but I guess for a second opinion we could ask Satana’s GIANT ANGRY BLACK UTERUS FAMILIAR what it thinks.

(also, two decades later I still remember this throwaway comment by a teacher who’s name I can’t even remember, which is a sign of some good teaching in my book)

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